I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
