Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
