Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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