Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
