I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
