finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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