I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
