just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
sex in a hospital.. check
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
