I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
