listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
