i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
this will be a night to untag.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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