I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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