I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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