dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
