this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
