Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
