Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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