I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I am in a vortex of obligation.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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