K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
