I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He? As in you personified your dick?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
All I want is dick and wine.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
