it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
