Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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