I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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