Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
