I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Non-Jews are for practice
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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