I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
he thought i was a dude.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
