new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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