Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
