We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
