he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
