Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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