the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize