I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
