He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
