i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Girls should come with a carfax report
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize