how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
