dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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