she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
