the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
