When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
