3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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