I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
