i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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