come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
why is half of my head shaved?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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