Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
