in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
