I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
