i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
