Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
