He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
