Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
