did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
