So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
