Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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