You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
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