I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
