I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
