Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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