i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
