And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
