Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
