thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
