This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
We had sex on a dog bed..
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
