I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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