I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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