OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
