Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
