so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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