That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
