My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
