I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
