listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
