the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize