his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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