I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
How does one acquire holy water?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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