No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
